Prodigal

Good Lord. Can this really be my young son?

Happy Birthday Grandma in Cyprus

It's my mum's birthday today.  She'll be 21 I hear.  I'm very happy that my brother is over there to help her celebrate it.  I rang her on Skype, but it's not quite the same thing...still better than nothing.  I'm not going to mention her birthday card, but remain confident it may yet arrive.

We were supposed to go to an immersive theatre experience last Thursday called Venice Preserved, but the reviews have been dreadful and the weather was dreary (there was a long promenade to face plus a boat ride on the Thames) so we ducked out.  Money straight down the drain.  Heartbreaking really, but it was probably the right decision.

More money down the drain is Robbie Williams.  I had tickets for Robbie once before, but because it clashed with parents evening at School, I couldn't go.  I gave the tickets away.  This time, I've managed to double book myself - Robbie on the same night as I'm doing the Night Ride to Brighton.  I'm all for going to the concert and then heading to the South Coast, but The Cat's Mother thinks that's ridiculous.  As I've got sponsorship, I'm obliged to pedal through the darkness, so that'll mean no Robbie for me.  Sigh.

We went down to Brighton for the weekend - it's Artists Open House month throughout May, and always the opportunity to see some amazing creativity and remarkable talent.  Occasionally a purchase is made.  It was this time

All was not plain sailing though, last time we were there, we re-potted a couple of plants.  Unbeknownst to us, there must have been a nest? hatchery? of fruit flies in the soil we'd bought from the local garden centre. Our back room was filled with dead and dying black midges.  Hundreds, nay thousands of them.  Enough to turn your stomach.  We spent most of the weekend hoovering and spraying the room with fly killer.  The Cat's Mother says I'm not to mention it.  So I won't.  I should throw the plants out, but I am really attached to them...I've grown many from seed (including a Bird of Paradise plant that has been known to flower) so just can't...but I may destroy the atmosphere trying to eliminate the problem.

Apart from that we went to see Frank, the film sort of but not really based on cult character Frank Sidebottom.  Much as I would love to say it's good.  It isn't.  Actually really not very good at all.



This time next week, The Boy will be back for a short time.  I'm very happy at the prospect.

App madness

As with all bloggers, I'm going through a demotivated phase at the moment, largely prompted by the recent spat at home over what I should or should not include with a large dollop of too much work in the office...time to tell myself to 'Get over it'.

Big Brother is currently in Cyprus visiting Grandma in Cyprus.  He'll be her for her birthday in a week's time which makes him Good Son.  I'll no doubt be late with my card, which will make me (once again) Bad Brother.  It's a heavy burden to bear. Or is it bare?  I never know.

Last Friday evening we went to The Barbican to see Calvary.  I used to go to the cinema every Sunday when I lived around the corner, so I know it better than most.  But it's still a maze to me, and I was pretty nearly flummoxed when someone asked me to point them in the direction of the tube station.  I did point in a as the crow flies sort of way, but told them to get regular new directions in order to actually reach their destination.  Back to Calvary, especially as no one appreciated my joke about a film about men on horses. We've seen a lot of good films this year, and I think this may be the best of the bunch.  It has a pretty verbally brutish start, and in your heart of hearts you know how it's going to end.  The title somewhat gives it away.  But the acting, the scenery and the characterisation are beyond compare and the whole thing is gripping from start to finish.  Ignore the reviewers who call this a black comedy...it absolutely is not.  Don't be fooled by the cast including comedians, they're not there to make you laugh.  There may be some dark humour in it, but then it wouldn't have any realism if it didn't.  We've spent hours and hours talking about it afterwards...so much so that I suspect the DVD will be ordered when it's available.  Certainly one not to miss.



We watched two other films on Blu-Ray over the weekend.  Well one and a half.  Tom Cruise in Oblivion and TED.  I'm not a Cruise fan at all, but I enjoyed Minority Report and live in hope that he will repeat that little triumph.  Oblivion is not that triumph.  I suspect it is the fault of the Hollywood system that insists that all and every sci-fi film is big budget, big production values, tiny, tiny attention to script or plot.  It looked good, and the storyline was terrific, but the whole thing was derivative and soulless with a truly awful script.  TED the talking teddy bear came highly recommended, but we struggled through half of it before deciding that it was never going to be either funny or clever.

Other than our film endeavours, we went to The Cat's Mother's uncle's 80th at Formans...a truly superb restaurant that sits opposite the Olympic Stadium.  It was a lovely family do, and gorgeous food to boot.  The rest of the weekend was spent pottering in or out of the garden and it kinda felt that's how the bank holiday needed to be spent.

I have a new app on my phone which is quite a pleasant thing to have.  It aggregates all your social media feeds and then tells you what you were up to a year ago, two years ago, three and four years ago.  I rather like being reminded as it lets me know all the lovely things that have been going on in my life.  It's called Timehop, but is obviously useless if you don't have a blog, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter account...  Four years ago, it tells me, the latest text on my phone said "Found whole nest of ants in the jam pot"  Yuk. Gross.  Am pleased they avoided the marmalade and Marmite.  I've yet to discover who I was sending it to or who it came from...

The other app that I like is the one that lets me control the heating.  We can switch it on or off as we need, for example if we're away it's good to have the place warmed through by the time we're home. There are a whole load of apps I see that are just beyond my comprehension.  The kettle that's controlled by an app. Yes you can switch it on from the sitting room...although no one has explained how you fill it up, or pour it into your tea mug when the damn thing has boiled.  How about the washing machine controlled by an app.  Please let me know how you can remotely load it with clothes and liquid and then unload it at the end of the cycle.  Or the app controlled shower.  Or the app controlled bath. Really, really, really?  I am nearly going to forgive the app controlled toothbrush (I said nearly).  I do have a brush that sends a signal to a little display on the shelf above the sink...it tells me when I've spent the right amount of time on each section of teeth.  Strangely it does work and I'm more thorough.  The latest version though uses an app on your phone.  My only comment is good idea until your phone falls into the sink under the running water or gets splashed when your splash your face afterwards..

Happy birthdays are the best

We went up to Cambridge at the weekend for a fund raising dinner for the NSPCC at one of the university colleges.  We travelled separately.

But not because we weren't talking.

My apprehension about attending had been eased somewhat when some of the men decided it would be fun to cycle, and I eagerly joined them.  It was a fabulous day, and the the rain held off for the whole journey which was a relief.  It was also a great opportunity to get to know my travelling companions better than I did...nothing like a bit of arduous exercise to get some male bonding going.  No, bonding, not bondage.

The dinner itself was fine, eased by plenty of alcohol, and we all stumbled back to the hotel in the hope of finding the bar open.  Fortunately it was shut, which probably meant that a few heads were in better shape the following morning than they would have been otherwise.  We went punting on Sunday morning.

In July I'm doing a night ride to Brighton in aid of the British Heart Foundation.  If you would like to support me, here's the JustGiving page.

But don't feel obliged at all...there's an awful lot of people asking for charity donations these days.

I'm a little sad about Bob Hoskins, but perhaps a little envious too. He retired a couple of years ago following a diagnosis of Parkinsons Disease.  My father suffered and we watched him deteriorate over the course of a decade from a clever, determined man to being the merest shadow of himself with the mind of a five-year old child, manipulated by a woman who probably illegally married him and stole half my and my brother's inheritance whilst ripping the family asunder.  Ever since I too have lived in fear of Parkinson's...for no logical reason, but it's always there lingering in the background.  So it's a shame for Bob Hoskins t have become a sufferer, but I think a relatively swift death is a real blessing in disguise.

Tomorrow is The Boy's birthday.  He's still in Austria, so this will be the first birthday we've been apart.  I guess it was going to happen sooner or later.  I guess also that he will have a great celebration with his friends.  We may even raise a glass to him at him at home!

On your bike

Yesterday two men in a truck turned up and shovelled two tonnes of gravel onto our drive. I knew it was two tonnes because they'd been a few days ago with two bags, and left hurriedly saying they didn't need two bags, it was two tonnes that were required.  That, finally, was the end of our current dealings with National Grid.  Hurrah.

We've got a skip out the front of the house at the moment because the garage needs a complete clear out. Actually all of my Good Friday and most of The Cat's Mother's was spent filling the skip up.  In some ways it was a tragedy, because there were a lot of memories thrown on the scrapheap, and a lot of stuff that could have been recycled...but doing that would have taken an eternity.  We are time-short people.  Fortunately, over the weekend some East Europeans popped along, politely asked and took quite a lot of stuff away.  I suspect most of it will be sold as scrap metal, but at least it's doing someone some good.

I had cleared and sorted the garage just three years ago so it came as quite a surprise to see how much stuff was in it...plus how many leaves had been swept in by the wind.  The thing about decaying organic matter is that it attracts creepy crawlies...and some of them were the stuff of nightmares.  Spiders I'm fine with, but there were a few large blood-red ones.  They looked like walking blood-blisters.  I've not seen them before, but they were really quite off-putting.  The Buddhist in me kept me from squishing them.

Twitter is being a twit.  Somehow I've ended up with three accounts...one for work, one that is vaguely related to this blog, and another that I can't remember when, how or why I set up.  I may just have been over-excited at the time.  Twitter has decided to rest my passwords.  I don't know why, but they have.  The three accounts have always shared the same password which makes it easy to switch from one to another. So I started the process of changing them to a new password...and this time it was a proper one rather than just a word.  That's been fine for two of the accounts, but for the other Twitter won't let me use it because it says 'It's too simple to guess'.  Why it's OK for two accounts, but not for this one I don't know.  Anyway, try as I might I haven't been able to overcome the problem, and their help desk doesn't seem interested.  So I'm stuck with two different passwords.  And the irony is that the one they won't change is the one that is so simple that even a two year old could guess it ( no it's not password).

I don't take selfies as a rule...but now the Olympic Park is open again there was a great opportunity...hurry down it's a fabulous place...I've been exploring it as I cycle home.  It's really rather amazing to be back there and gives me a very warm feeling.  It has been totally transformed since our summer of celebration, so even I who spent months there struggle to remember the various routes we used to take across the park.  I can highly recommend going up the Orbital to get a terrific view of London, and it's worth having a swim in the Olympic Pool and getting to cycle in the Velodrome...or just explore as you'll find hidden gems all over the place.  This was an expensive picture to take as I put my glasses down and then forgot to pick them up after I cycled off

Stop

A two hour film about a man driving down the M6 whilst talking on his mobile phone?  You've got to be kidding!  But that is what Locke is.  And remarkably it is an enthralling two hours.  A terrific piece of theatre which I would highly highly recommend you get to see.



A recent post has caused a bit of a furore at home.  Actually more than a bit.  So rather than curtail my blog writings or censor myself, here's a polite request to friends and family...please stop reading my blog.

Double double

Here's a couple of pictures.  One is a screen shot from the Danny Boyle film Trance (a sort of low-rent Inception...sorry Danny), and the other one I took three years ago.  I quite like that we both had an eye for the same shot.  You too can take the same picture at Southwark tube station

Last night we went to see The Double, another Richard Ayoade creation.  We (as in I) thoroughly enjoyed his first film Submarine and so we (as in we) have been very excited at the prospect of this film.  He's a remarkably talented man.  So having seen it, opinions are split:  me vs everyone else in the house.  It's based on a Dostoyevsky book of the same name so was never going to be an easy watch.  But for me it was brilliant.  It had all the characteristics and hallmarks of a short (I love watching short films) and managed to maintain the emotional and visual intensity over a full 90 minutes.  Beautifully acted, beautifully filmed, it conjured up a stunning environment (reminiscent of the best of Terry Gilliam) which conveyed the protagonist's descent into madness.

Full of gas

The nightmare that is British Gas and National Grid has continued.

The boiler installation was finished on Friday.  By Saturday it wasn't working.  The engineer who was called out made it very clear that he wasn't happy to come out.  Essentially he did a Bill Gates...switched it off and switched it on again before he disappeared into the night.  When it stopped working again on Sunday, he refused to return.  The woman at the end of the line at British Gas claimed that as they'd used a sub contractor, it wasn't a British Gas problem.  Fortunately it was The Cat's Mother who was talking to her as my reply would have referenced her parentage.   Monday morning was spent sending e-mails to various British Gas employees who to a greater or lesser extent have contributed to the debacle of the last few months.  I included the CEO just for the hell of it.  Of course I don't expect a reply.  I did get various replies on their Facebook page...such is the power of social media.

First there was the man who patched the pavement, then the man that patched the road, then the man that took away the road signs, then the man that filled in the trench, then the man sent to remove the safety barriers.  He noticed that the paving had not been replaced so took only the barriers on the drive.  National Grid are *required* by their own rules to complete the restoration within five days of completion of work. So in a classic case of 'double plus plus speak', they sent a second notification of completion six days after the first to give themselves a further five days.  Orwell would be proud.

Friday night was a charity whist drive which just feels like the sort of things my parents would do.  I might have enjoyed it, but that doesn't stop me feeling conflicted.  What made me giggle was just how competitive some people could be...me I just put down one card after another not caring whether I won or lost, but that did seem to hack some people off...you could tell the competitive ones by their steely looks and how closely they held their cards to their chest.

An interesting dynamic this week as The Cat has brought her boyfriend home for four days.  We'd have liked to have been introduced to him before he was imposed on us almost a week, but young love is particularly self-centred.  He was squirreled away upstairs when he arrived without a 'hi', brought down to meet and greet The Cat's Mother whilst I was elsewhere for half an hour and then he re-materialised an hour or two later for dinner.  I met him for the first time over a nice piece of beef and some brussel sprouts.  He's a pleasant enough fellow which is good.  Your offspring's choice of partner is always interesting.  The Boy always assumes I'm opposed to whoever he has turned his fancy to...not at all...I'm happy if he's happy. But I doubt he'll ever believe that.  This is the first time The Cat has brought a boy home, so I do wonder what thought she has put into it...or whether she hasn't felt the need to.  The Cat's Mother has been on tenterhooks all week about the whole thing.  The Family all expect me to exploit her nervousness, but I can see she's fragile.  So much as it goes against the grain my sense of humour has been kept firmly to myself.

Back in the USSR, it's quite sad to see the instability that has enveloped the Ukraine.  Some of this has undoubtedly been brought about the corruptness of the Ukrainian political class, but some of it clearly comes from Mr Putin and his henchmen, and yet another part of it certainly comes from the expansionist policies of the West.  What seems completely unfortunate is that we are moving back to an age that I am sure we had all hoped was history.  West vs East, the Iron Curtain, the Cold war.  It does feel that the greed and ambition of the politicians is once more taking us a long a difficult, dangerous path.  My best guess is that some or all of eastern Ukraine will fall to Russian control leaving a legacy of mistrust and antagonism that will continue for decades.  Does anyone remember Sochi?  Yes, the winter Olympics were supposed to be a show piece for the modern Russian state...but instead is more likely to be compared to Berlin 1936.  In the twenty-first century that does seem a bitter pill to swallow.

Back in the UK, evidently schools in Birmingham and Bradford are all coming under influence and control of Muslims who are imposing Muslim values and Islamic teachings rather than British values.  Well of course, that is wrong.  But the question is what are British values?  I've long said that we have been failed by politicians who have failed to create a vision of Britain now and for the future.  At best the waters are muddy...too long as the liberal approach taken hold without recognising that most people want to live within a clear set of rules, regulations and cultural values. This sort of thing is bound to happen when large parts of our society have stronger allegiances to their own value set because they down have something else to focus on.  I expect this particular problem will be dealt with whilst the bigger issues continue to be ignored....

Best watched whilst wearing headphones at full volume

P.S. sorry Hippo

Monopoly on incompetence

It was a real pleasure to squirrel away some time and catch up on some of the blogs I've missed reading over the last couple of weeks.

Some of you may know that we've been having a new boiler installed this week.  It's almost too painful to recount the tale of this process, because it would become a 1000 word Kafka novel.  But you can have some highlights.  When we decided on a new boiler from British Gas, this had to come from the commercial division, because we have a large house.  It's not a mansion or a stately home, it's just slightly larger than the average home.  We had to have a new supply which involved National Grid who sent two surveyors several weeks apart.  The second one informed us that our supply was insufficient.  We already knew that and that's why they had been commissioned to upgrade it.  Even after two surveys, the guys who turned up didn't know what they were supposed to be doing, so quickly disappeared again to get the right equipment - an excavator.  They did their work in the two days allotted and disappeared leaving a trench in the drive.  A new team was sent to re-tarmac the pavement.  Another arrived to retarmac the road.  Another arrived to remove the bollards.  Another arrived to fill in the trench.  And a final team arrived to remove the safety fencing.  Although the boiler had been on order for three months, some parts hadn't been delivered, and didn't arrive until Friday morning.  This for a job that we had been told would be done in two days.  I can't talk about the British Gas metering department which refuses to talk to either the rest of British Gas or National Grid.  Nor can I talk about the outside meter housing which National Grid described as hideous and told us to get a nice one elsewhere, only for us to discover you really can get them only from National Grid.  Between us, The Cat's Mother and I have quite a high IQ, yet we remain completely baffled as to how this system can survive in the 21st Century, and how these two organisations think it is an acceptable way to behave.  Our only possible answer is that the stress is so much that we've both aged into senility since we first started thinking a new boiler would be a good idea.

On a happier note, The Cat has been home for the Easter break to keep her Mother company.  The only shock will be the arrival of her boyfriend on Sunday.  He's staying until Thursday.  Neither The Cat's Mother nor I have met him before, so those few days will be interesting.  Indeed.

The Boy has just returned to Kitzbuhel after his few days in Amsterdam...he seemed to split from his Dutch girlfriend around about the time he arrived...or may be just before so he probably didn't get the experience he was expecting, but I think he had fun at least when he was cycling not knowing which way to turn on continental roads.  He's hoping for a summer job in Kitz and I wish him all the luck in the world, although I miss him desperately.

I meant to mention, but think I forgot, that it was Grandad in Cyprus' 70th and he had a celebration dinner for family in the UK just before I went off skiing.  There were people there I hadn't seen for nearly forty years...but it was easy to see they are the same now in their hearts as they were in the olden days.  I very much enjoyed spending the evening my brother who continues to have some serious health problems...he seems to have worn his body out quicker than most, but I suspect his cheerful visage will see him through for very, very many years yet.  The outdoor gardening job he has seems to give him enormous satisfaction...more than I've ever known and I'm sure all the exercise can only be good for him.

We went to see 'Another Country' which remains an utterly absorbing play.  I find it a fascinating story of how the establishment does down those that are not 'one of them'.  I think it still has the same impact, given that the cabinet is stuffed with Etonians, as it did when it first appeared.  The performances were not amazing, but then the original run included the likes of Kenneth Brannagh and Rupert Everrett...so it had a lot to live up to.  I was somewhat shocked when The Cat's Mother insisted we stop off for a donner kebab on the way home.  After all we were stone cold sober.  No idea what was going on there.  It was delicious.

And last night we headed off to another Secret Cinema which was splendid.  It took place in a north london town hall from the 1930's which suited the film down to the ground.  The actors who added the 'experiential element' were as superb as always and we came home feeling it was an evening well spent.

I now have one of the videos of my bobsleigh run, so I suspect my next posting will simply be a link to a youtube of that....call me lazy if you like!

Up the Alps

I like CDs, I don't like downloads...it's nice to have something to have and to hold, look at the artwork and sometimes I even read the lyrics.  The same applies to DVDs...much better than downloads, but, as I was taking the train from London all the way to the Alps for my holiday, I thought it would be a good idea to download a couple of movies for my viewing pleasure.  I tried with Blinkbox, but try as they might and try as I might we couldn't get them to download on to my shiny new computer.  So it was back to Apple, who offer the same service, at the same price it seems, and no hassle.  I'm not a great fan of Apple, but needs must.

I hadn't thought it through though.  If you're watching a film in public, you need to think about the people around you...especially children.  So when I started watching Riddick, I quickly realised that the monsters, the blood, the gore and the violence were totally inappropriate.  I had to shield everyone from the horror fest.  The same applied for my next selection, Filth.  Sex, drugs, transvestites, violence.  The perfect family viewing on Eurostar.  I was sat next to a Muslim, and felt awful.  Oops.

I didn't plan things too well, and when I arrived I realised that I hadn't packed either toothpaste or deodorant.  The local shop stocked only women's deodorants, so I pranced around the slopes smelling like a bunch of flowers all week.  The same shop sold me a tube of toothpaste for £10....

Apart from that, the holiday was a gem...still loads of snow for the skiing antics, and loads of sunshine too. No more holidays for me this year...I've been away so much this year that Easyjet has categorised me as a frequent flyer.

The Cat and Cat's Mother seem to have enjoyed themselves in my absence...I'm sure quality time together was very welcome for the both of them.  I thought it would be fun to text The Cat's Mother only in French...she obviously liked the idea so much that she would ring me back and speak in English...may be it was because my texts were based on 'O' level French of some 35 years ago...

The Boy is in Amsterdam for a week with friends...staying on the Boatel.  I'm sure that it won't be the sea that gives him sickness this week.

A little harsh...just because I didn't follow the instructors lessons....

 Google invited the Hoff along...I am lost for words....

They made a film about my holiday

I'm in St Nicholas La Chappelle for a final week of skiing.  I've abandoned The Cat's mother at home with The Cat.

The first morning was very exciting as they were just launching hot air balloons...most of which seemed to spend their time crashing into each other, houses and parked cars

Amazingly even before my holiday has kicked off, they've made a film about it

Short stays

Well, it was lovely to see the two teenagers again albeit only for just 48 hours.

It was 'Concentrated Offspring'  And as with concentrated washing up liquid, a little goes a long way.

The Boy was in a grump for the entire time, except when he could flash his smile and charm momentarily when it suited.  He didn't want to be back and who can blame him?  I wouldn't have come back for the wedding of people I barely knew.  But he did it, if only he had done it with good grace.  His journey had been a long one...Vienna (where he flew from) was more difficult to get to than he thought, and he'd spent a good part of the day getting his phone fixed before flying.  He certainly wasn't looking forward to the long haul back to Kitzbuhel.

The Cat had been less than communicative about when she'd be arriving than expected, and The Cat's Mother didn't want to chase her...meaning we spent an evening in limbo. Then the next day, a hair appointment took an hour longer than expected, meaning we left later than we had planned.  The Cat and Cat's Mother are hopeless timekeepers, where as I like to know when I'm leaving and when I'm arriving.  I buried my head.  Apart from that The Cat was on top form which was lovely.

Love them both, but I suspect they found coming home as challenging as we (or maybe just I) found it. Can't wait for their return though....I suspect a longer run at it will give everyone more time to adjust to their surroundings.  I suspect I'm not being fair to either of them...

As for the wedding they'd returned for, it was in Laurence Olivier and Vivien Leigh's former home. Splendid. But more and more I don't enjoy weddings, which seem to be signifiers of another stage in our lifecycle. Now that I've moved from being part of the younger generation, I find them depressing.  Conversation with mainly strangers over several hours is hard work, and the father of the bride gave a problematic speech which lasted almost 45 minutes.

So thank heavens on Sunday, The Cat's Mother and I went to see The Grand Hotel Budapest which was a spritely tale, lightly told with as much depth as a Tom and Jerry cartoon.  I dozed off a couple of times...I'm not sure why as I was quite enjoying it

Picture post

Some recent pictures of the London skyline...I was lucky enough to have been given access to the building site that is London Bridge station, so was able to take advantage of the views

And a few (I managed to take 1200 in three days, so whittling them down has been quite a challenge!) from the bobsleigh track at Igls