Friday 24 June 2011

Tramp in armour

I think you had to be there at the time, but hey, here goes...

I was sitting at my desk

At the other end of the office DogGirl (she owns the office dog, I'm not being rude)

I'd removed one shoe because I had rubbed a blister in the morning

DogGirl beckoned me to explain there was someone for me

I stood up and hobbled across the office to be greeted by a German tramp. A little way behind him stood a man who looked like The Cat's Mother's ex

I knew he was a tramp by his attire and the bloody cut on his chin and that skin tone which indicates a life lived outside. I knew he was German when he started to speak. It was very, very 'Ello 'ello, but thicker.

In his hand he had a package

He rattled on for a few minutes with me nodding and smiling. About what I had no idea. I couldn't understand more than one word in ten

Eventually I cut in and asked if the package was for me. It was. So I took it.

He continued and I caught that at one time he had been a designer for games software company UBI Soft, but they were taken over by the French and as he was German he got booted out. I said it was normally the other way round. He agreed and said he knew 'blitzkreig'.

I still didn't know what was going on.

My mobile on my desk rang and I rushed to pick it up. Hobble, hobble, hobble. But missed the call. So I returned to my German tramp. Hobble, hobble, hobble. Around the office everyone was looking puzzled.

The German continued until I asked if I should open the package. Yes he said, I hope it's not a bomb. I did. A smart yellow box with a couple of USB sticks in...a gift from a company called WinkBall who will video your event and then post it around various social media channels.

After some ushering from me, I managed to get him and his lurking friend out of the office. As I hobbled around, one boot on, one boot off.

Just then my mobile rang again...a friend from round the corner just checking that I was OK "Not bound and gaged?" as he'd just had a couple of odd characters in looking for me.

Uuuurgh...odd, really odd...

Thank heavens The Cat's Mother and I had two very nice glasses of Rioja at our new local tapas bar later.

Thursday 23 June 2011

40 Love

Yesterday The Cat's Mother was at Wimbledon watching the Venus Williams match. Meanwhile, I was grinding away in the office. There's no justice is there?

Fortunately, we have some of these in the fridge so I don't feel I missed out altogether

Tuesday 21 June 2011


I seem to be really quite forgetful.

I forgot to post at all yesterday, even though I knew what I wanted to post.

And I also forgot to take a picture for today's post. So I may have to cheat. Cheating does seem to be the way ahead these days, so my conscience remains clear on that count. I'd like to comment on FIFA and the resignation of Jack Warner with his 'presumed innocence', but I've probably said enough in the past about corrupt football, footballers, and shall just hope that it all comes crumbling down quickly.

As for Sunday, it was, of course, Fathers Day, and something I used to ignore when I was the son. These days I'm the father, and the son is 'encouraged' to let me know what a great Dad I am. Admittedly it didn't start too well as I woke up and had to go and make the tea for The Cat's Mother and me. She has no shame. But she did then go and awaken the sleeping beauty, who bounded out of bed with the speed and grace of a lame elephant. Some ten minutes later, I was presented with punched eggs on toast, for which I was, and remain, very grateful. In case you're not familiar with punched eggs, they're like poached eggs but are kind of squashed and mis-shapen. They taste the same - delicious so I'm not complaining.

Later, downstairs, I was also presented with a lovely card and a special bottle of whisky. You have to read the label.

So I achieved on Fathers Day.

Naturally, we then had a lunch party. We'd ordered cheeses from La Cave a Fromage, and we served every one a sample of each of the five. No body told me, but evidently I was supposed to talk everyone through them....I made it up as I went along. And some of the rowdy crowd failed to stick to the strict order I tried to impose. Really people!

Sunday 19 June 2011

Lesbian fantasies

In the rather tawdry world where some despotic Arab leaders are given free reign to do whatever they like to keep their subjects under the jackboot (not mentioning Saudi Arabia or Bahrain) whilst others are condemned for their actions (not mentioning Syria or Yemen)and yet others are facing barrages of high explosive western taxpayers money to unseat them (not mentioning Libya), a rather curious phenomenon has arisen. The lesbian blogger. Obviously in the heat of the Arabian spring it matters whether you are pole dancing or carpet munching. And carpet munching seems to be the thing. Except it isn't, because fabled lesbian Syrian blogger Armina Arraf is in fact a fat middle-American male. And it now transpires that the LezGetReal lesbian blog which posted 'Armina's' blogs was edited by another 'lesbian' called Paula Brooks who it now turns out is another fat middle-American male. This could just be dismissed as bizarre, if it wasn't for the influential nature of these sorts of things at the moment. In a world where it is often social media that is the first and best purveyor of breaking news, there is a real need for bloggers to have a sense of responsibility, and not just play their fantasies out in public. Not that I can think what is the motivation for pretending to be a Syrian lesbian online...I've searched high and low on the interweb for videos of Syrian lesbians, but they seem pretty few and far between.

I think I lost a day...I was supposed to be putting a daily picture throughout June, but there's a day missing I think....dang.

Yesterday was one of those days I just don't enjoy. The sort of day we all have when we do nothing other than chores and 'stuff'. It's a needs must kind of time, but yucky none the less. There were two highlights. The first was buying The Boy his first suit. That's a big step I think into the real world. He got the suit for two he's allowed to wear a suit when he moves up to the sixth form, and the second is its school prom time in a couple of weeks. We trawled round every shop in Bluewater, before settling on a very nice one from Reiss. He looks a dish as ever (no bias there).

To perk ourselves up after accomplishing our mission we dived into Yo Sushi! Where we piled the dishes high. Sushi is a great treat and it's always fun grabbing the dish you fancy when the conveyor belt comes round.