Tuesday 10 September 2019

Be careful of the things you hear

Twice in the last week people have said things to me that have been quite devastating.  One certainly wasn't meant to be; the jury is out on the other.  My friend in the office was talking about her 9 year old daughter and said how exciting it was thinking about what she might do when she grows up and hearing her daughter's ambitions.  My friend said I didn't appear to be interested.  But I am, I explained, very much so...but at that age those thoughts never crossed my mind.  Because it was at this age that the boy's mother died, and the only thing I could think of was how would he cope.  I didn't think about whether he would be 'successful' all I wanted was for him to be happy...or at least not sad.  It was an all-consuming thought.  I didn't think much beyond the next day, perhaps the next week if we were lucky.

And that is how it has remained.  I've always just wanted him to be happy...the thought of career has never really been thought about.  I think perhaps it should have been more, but it never seemed that important.  So another when another woman I know, who has a high-flying son in the finance world, said am I happy that the Boy is working driving a boat on a Norwegian fjord, I said "Yes, very".  And it was true, but her reply that 'parents are happy whatever their children do' carried a feeling of 'Really? Really?' in it.

So on reflection, I feel that the Boy and I missed out not having long long discussions about how he was going to be a polar explorer, the Prime Minister, a footballer or a pop star.  Which is a shame, and I wish we had.  I wish there had been nothing on our minds to distract ourselves from these exciting discussions.  As for driving boats on Norwegian Fjords, I am truly happy...he has found a place which brings him contentment now.  Whether it will in the future who knows?  But then if he'd become a banker, who's to say that would have brought him any happiness.