Friday, 14 January 2011

Commercial break (avert your eyes Grandma in Cyprus)

Our household seems quite penis focused recently. I'm not sure why, but may be it is because The Cat's Mother and The Cat spent too long in an all female environment, and are now over-compensating.

When we holidayed in Iceland, the subject of The Boy's Welsh background was much discussed, not withstanding he also became our designated Troll. Anyway, his heritage became corrupted to 'hairy tidge'. And several months later, the subject regularly comes up (ooh err missus).

This week, I managed to split my motorcycle trousers, wear out the crotch of my favourite jeans and burst the zip on some black trousers. I declared I must have 'enormous bollocks' to The Cat's Mother, who couldn't resist in passing that gem on to The Boy and The Cat. For Viz readers, this may bring back memories of one sort or another:

Anyway, enough of that. I've had a torrent of press releases this month. As usual most are completely wrong and especially irritating when they start, "I really enjoy reading your blog" Before trying to get me to write about nappies. Not sure if they're trying to tell me I'll be reaching the age of incontinence soon...

FlipVideoHD want to know if I'm doing a Valentines list and if so would I like to publish a press release about their camera. Well only if 'mucky movies' interest The Cat's Mother. Flippin' heck.

Holiday Nanny thinks 'childcare vouchers are the perfect Mother's Day present' Well may be...after a washing machine, food processor and a toaster.

Thanks to Madeleine Scarlett-Smith for giving me a six hour 'heads up' on new research that says that people with children are less likely to have a Carbon Dioxide alarm. Perhaps they need the peace and quiet.

Ryan Levitt of Team Wholegrain wants me to 'drop me a line to work out what exclusive content we can jointly develop to make your blog stand out' Thanks for the vote of confidence. Evidently some celebs will be spending a day teaching me to cook using Shreddies and Cheerios. Are they kidding? Really? Really.

OK there's been loads more...but you've probably had them all. But one more.

And this one I liked getting. But you're not to be interested in it. I repeat NOT to be interested in it. Autotrader is running a competition for people to write a review of their car and win £1000 for their troubles. But you're NOT to enter. I've entered and I'd like the money. Most of you are better writers than me so give me a break. Don't enter. You don't need the money. My entry is here..the typos are their fault. Not mine. Don't forget. Do not enter. Please. Pretty please.