Saturday, 2 February 2013

It's a voracious sump inhabited by an eternal and mutating Driberg

This is either the best spoof ever...or will make you wretch for hours.  I fall into the latter group.

For no sensible reason, I 'upgraded' my lap top from Windows 7 to Windows 8.  It may have been because I live in terror of getting left behind by anything it could be bought for just £24.  It was a complete success, other than the touch-screen is now no longer touch sensitive, and I had to leave it on overnight because I couldn't work out how to turn it off.  This morning I went to 'help' to discover that Microsoft recommends you just shut the lid.  There's progress for you.

When I was a young lad we lived in a typical English village...Hatfield Heath (no where near Hatfield) village green, village church (several of them in fact), village hall, village baker, village pub (several of them in fact), village butcher, village cobbler, drapers, general store, newsagent et al.  There was an annual village fate,cricket matches throughout the summer and generally it was a lovely place.  Even at a tender age though, I knew that it was a good thing our address was Hertfordshire (because that was the location of the nearest town - Bishops Stortford) and not Essex which is actually the county the village is located in.  I don't think Essex had taken on the image that it developed in the eighties, but it was well on the way.

I stayed away from Essex for decades living in either Brighton or London.  But with The Boy growing up and in need of a decent education, we moved from urban Borough High Street to Buckhurst Hill.  It was really the first time I'd been there for a very long time.  And what I discovered was that everything that was ridiculed about Essex was true.  We lived on one corner of the WAGS triangle (Buckhurst Hill, Loughton and Chigwell).  Everyone had a Range Rover or a Porsche or both.  Everyone was perma-tanned.  Everyone had so much bling that you knew where The Bank of England had sold off its gold too.  "Alright babe?" was the native greeting.  The best restaurant in town was Kentucky Fried Chicken.  It made me smile.  It was like living in a cartoon.  I thought they should make a film of it.  They didn't, but they did make 'TOWIE' - the only way is Essex.  Virjazal became common parlance.  Nobody around could recognise themselves in it, and addictive as it was, they rubbished it.  But I cannot tell a was and indeed is a fair reflection of a large group of the local population.  I can't bare to watch it, so the clip below is just randomly selected from You Tube

But, there's a different Essex.  In fact 95% of Essex is different.  It's really a rather lovely place.  And it has been left to Jonathan Meades to tell us all about it.  Now, I have to confess that I've have always been a bit of a Jonathan Meades Groupy...I find him fascinating and fabulous.  I suspect he's a bit of a Marmite him or hate him.  So I was glad he turned his gaze on Essex.  You can and should watch it on the BBC's a gem.  Here's the link.

In the meantime here's a clip from one of his previous outings...there are so many to choose from, and I suspect if you watch one clip, you'll either become a complete addict or thow your computer out of the window.