Thursday 10 September 2009

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Hair has been an important thing in our house. Last week alone I had to fork out £92 to have a man come and unblock the plughole because someone who'll remain nameless sheds hair like it's going out of fashion, and washes it down the sink. I'm off to Robert Dyas to buy one of those things you put over the whole to stop rubbish going down. This could be the best £3.50 I've ever invested.

Fortunately, the boy can afford to lose some locks because he has a fabulous mane, courtesy of his mother. Although peculiarly he's blessed with Grandma in Cyprus' eyebrows. Eyebrow. Looking after his hair seems to provide an endless challenge and fascination (I assume fascination is why he can't pass a mirror without a glance to the side, and a gentle fiddling with his hair for a few minutes thereafter). His concern for its well being is undoubtedly why we have half the world's stocks of hair gels, mouses, sprays, clays and putty spread around various rooms.

Here's a Christmas present from one of his school friends. Were they making a point?

His hair grows at a rate of knots, and it seems no sooner has it been cut then it's back longer and messier than it was before. Getting it cut is an expense that makes the mortgage look cheap. Once upon a time, when we went into the hair cutters (are they hairdressers or barbers these days?), he would say what he wanted to the barber, whilst I stood behind and indicated whet was actually needed. That used to get me into a lot of trouble, so I've stopped doing it. Sometimes though that means his direction doesn't always translate into the right end result. And the last cut left him with a long tail. Which he wasn't happy about. But failed to persuade the barber to resolve. So I have been brought in to sort it out. With my scissors. I don't want any comments about living in Essex must mean I'm a hairdresser. In the Sassoon stakes I'm more Siegfried than Vidal. Nonetheless, with a rusty, blunt pair of Ikea scissors, I have now chopped and hacked.

He's pleased, I'm pleased but I'm still wondering if the cuttings should have been shoved down the plug hole?


  1. Well done, Siegfried, oops I mean Vidal. Like the gradual approach. My daughter had hers cut a week ago and is lamenting the fact that the hairdresser chopped off to much in a gung-ho sort of way. Now it's going to take forever to grow to a decent length , she says.

  2. Can you come and do mine, NB? I hate going to the barbers. Perfectly decent fellow (Italian, cheap) and all that, but the whole process fills me with such dread that I delay for as long as possible, then have as much cut off as I can without looking like a Milwall supporter.

  3. You're a braver man than me. I paid about 35 quid recently to get both boys' hair cut. I simply couldn't bring myself to have a go..I know the result would be awful.

  4. He's a lucky boy. His whole life may he have that problem!

    I used to have hair so thick that hairslides popped open again as soon as I tried to snap them shut. Thanks to an auto-immune disorder several years ago I now have extensions to thicken my hair and a lifetime of ruinously expensive hairdressing visits to look forward to. Well enough to put The Boy's modest-by-comparison haircare costs in the shade even if he availed himself of Vidal Sassoon!

    But I couldn't survive without nice hair and teeth (and my dental bills are equally ruinous owing to a chain of incompetant dentists when I was younger). Needless to say I am dressed by e-bay - that famous designer you have probably heard of!

  5. My mum used to cut my hair and my husband cuts it now. I am not known for my stylish hairdos. It is simply there to keep my head warm. I could shave it off and buy a bunnett instead. Far easier.

  6. I left an award for you at mine (ps - cool skill cutting hair - at least you know you have an alternative vocation available)

  7. Rosie...I'm available for bookings

    Tim...the Millwall look is not a good one - I'm on my way

    NVG...go know yo want to

    Laura...shiny white teeth and locks are well worth the sacrifice of e-bay clothes!

    Madame - you can borrow my clippers

    Kellogsville...thank you kindly....and apologies for my tardy response!


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