Saturday 5 September 2009

Dr Who?

Tenants. Who'd have 'em?

Today I've been running around after one of the tenants. Somehow he'd managed to fly to the USofA on an out of date passport. They let him in but they won't let him out. Which seems a funny way of going about it. Perhaps thats the approach all illegal immigrants should take. So I've had a continuous flow of calls from his mum, dad and sister as we tried to find a spare set of keys to the flat so that sister could go in and find his proper passport and FedEx it to him. They're all very grateful of course, but in these days of terrorists plotting to blow us up left right and centre, I'd love to know how you can travel half way round the world with an out of date form of identity. The same way I guess that when we flew to Germany, unthinkingly I had in my hand luggage a large bottle of sun tan lotion, after shave, toothpaste and deodorant. We sauntered through security at Stanstead, but the hyper efficient Germans at Munich wouldn't let me fly back with it as it wasn't in one of those see-through plastic bags - they must be very clever if they manage to stop an explosion.

Other tenant adventures having been rung up in the middle of the night once. "We've got no electricity" "Oh dear - have you looked in the fuse box?" "That's fine" "Oh, erm, erm" "There's no electricity anywhere" "You mean there's a power cut?" "Yes. We thought you could ring the electricity company and find out when it will come back on" "Feck off"


"My bicycle has been stolen" "Oh no - the flat has been broken into?" "No it was downstairs, outside." "Erm, oh. Was it locked?" "No" "Feck off"


"The heating's not working" "Oh dear, do you know if the boiler is switched on?" "Yes, its on" "I'll come round and have a look". When there, I look at the radiators "They're turned off" "Yes we did that for the summer". "You're an idiot"

Or even:

"Whenever we use the washing machine it fills up with foam" "How much detergent do you use?" "About four cups or five cups" "Have you ever done any washing before?"

and indeed:

"We've got no hot water" "Is the hot water switch turned on?" "No it's in the off position" "Oh really"


"There's no bed in the flat" "You specified you wanted it unfurnished so we took the bed away." "I know, but I want a bed" "Feck off"

And oh so many more....


  1. I feel your pain. I have some landlady stories of my own.

  2. Hmmm, I detect a few more 'feck offs' than usual in your posts NB. Is that your influence Auntie Gwen?

  3. And I thought it was just students one got those sort of calls from.

    Re the emigration thing - some people will do ANYTHING to avoid paying their rent!

  4. How on earth did America let him in on an out-of-date passport? Kay was only passing through (not even leaving the airport) last year in transit to Guatemala, but they insisted on taking a set of fingerprints. Where is he staying in the meantime?

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. I deleted above comment as it published twice!!

  7. not all see-through plastic bags prevent terrorism. Only ones of a specific size - get the wrong size and you are doomed, doomed I tell ye!

    I was going to offer the advice "get a letting agent" but my last one disappeared with £1800 of deposit and rent (sorely missed in this household)- oh how we landlords milk it (not)!

  8. I sense an inner frustration being worked to the surface. You may need a wee lie down. I rent in London (and remain a proper home owner at home) and my complaints are never with the landlord, but the letting agents.


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