Sunday 28 June 2009

Stop press: I save the world

As I have matured, I have increasingly seen it as my place to lead the world to a better place. I emphasise the word is not as if I am ageing, of course. Tuesday will be my birthday. At the moment I am 37 and on Wednesday I will be 37. I don't have any issues or hang-ups with my's just other people that do.

Obviously, my concern with the state of the world has much to do with the realisation that I have brought another human being into this world, and it is my duty to make sure that he inherits it in as good a condition as possible.

So, as I have previously mentioned, the Beemer has gone. Now, at this point (and indeed many points henceforth) I'm going to ignore Miss Spoilsport Auntie Gwen's comment in my last post. After careful consideration I felt the need to address the dual world crises of the environment and the economy. So this reduced my choice of new vehicle considerably. However, I am pleased to say that having researched the matter considerably, I have chosen wisely.

Firstly, I have moved from petrol to diesel power. I am told by my green friends this is a good thing. Secondly I selected an engine that is 40% smaller than the last one - so no longer a gas guzzling 4.5 litre V8 monster, a mere 2.8 litres of pure environmental friendliness. Most importantly, it has won a Gold Award in the leading Green Award Scheme. And just as importantly, its simple construction means that its manufacturing carbon footprint (dust to dust is the phrase) is lower than that of the famous enviro-wagon beloved of Hollywood celebrities, the Toyota Prius. And I have made significant steps to improve fuel fact by 25%

This you may well say is sufficient to elevate me to saintliness. But I say no. This is not enough. I want to do more.

So in the spirit of the current recession...the worst since the 1930's I hear...I have chosen a much better value vehicle. In fact the cost is just 25% of the Beemer (yes that was one of the more extravagant ones) I think a cut back lesson our government would do well to follow. And according to the manufacturer it costs less to run per mile than a Toyota Yaris (that's the small one in case you don't know the model range of every car company by heart) by almost 20%.

I hear you now trying to lift my halo above my head. But wait, I'm not yet ready.

I could have bought second-hand as a further economy measure, but no I was thinking of other people. So buying new has enabled me to sustain employment here in the UK at the dealership, and overseas where it was manufactured. Thereby helping develop improved international relations too.

Even now, I am not yet quite ready for my elevation.

I have indeed pointed out that here in the land of plenty (of gold, suntan and bleached blondes) BMWs are poor man's transport, and it is true with every house having a combination of Mercedes, BMW, Porsche, Aston Martin and Bentley parked on the driveway. I feel there is a need to redress the balance, and to make a stand for social equality, by making the people around me recognise that flashing your cash is not the way to achieve worthy recognition. Indeed, our new transport is so rare (you can count on the fingers of one hand the number that have been sold this year) that it turns heads wherever we go. In their eyes, I can see the flash of green...although as I'm colour blind some may say it is red. Whatever.

Yet more. The boy has lusted after one for decades (he's 14 you know) and in acquiring this vehicle I have significantly boosted his self-esteem and indeed standing amongst his peers.

So now I am ready.

And below is a picture for you to have and to hold.


  1. It may not make a hole in the ozone layer, but I bet it's made one in your savings account!! Very nice! Enjoy.

  2. So is that you driving through the wilds of Essex?

    Nice car.

  3. you'll blend in well on the school run! That aside, nice car!

  4. So, how long have you been 37 eh, NB? And how long will you be 37?

  5. Think of all the big puddles you can go through. Preferably ones near cyclists. What a lark.

  6. Happy birthday!!

    Would love to catch up - i have Skype now, you could download it in the office and we can chat...

  7. Sorry RTFM but I've can outrank you in the environmental stakes with a 1.3 Skoda Felicia.

    And it's 10 years old, thus its manufacturing carbon footprint is already erased

    Beat that.


    No I'm not getting any older either. Just wiser, sillier and more elegant as finances permit.

  8. Happy non-Birthday though.

    I hope being 37 will be every bit as good this year!

    I intend to be a 30-something for at least 20 years!


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