North by north west

On the car, there is a digital compass which lets you know which of eight directions you are heading in. I'm sure it's very handy in the outback, and for anyone who's accidently put the wrong destination in their satnav, it will help them see they're heading in the wrong direction.

On the trip to take the boy to Wales, (from West Essex) it consistently pointed SW. All the way from start to finish. It may be that Wales has moved southwards, I'm not sure, but I don't remember any earthquakes of the sort that recently moved New Zealand two foot closer to Australia. Worse still, coming back, it consistently said South East. So at a guess, I'd say Buckhurst Hill must have moved to where Folkestone used to be.

The instruction book advises that it can be re-calibrated by driving round in circles in a car park or open space free of large metal objects. I feel obliged to point out that the car is itself a large metal object. So I'm not sure how I will achieve that.

In the same vein, here is a picture of my sandals.



If you click on the picture you will see there's a yellow label that clearly says 'Waterproof'. You may observe at the same time, the many holes which are a feature of sandal design. And I can confirm that I have undertaken some consumer testing by standing in my sandals in a bath of very cold water, and my feet got very wet. So clearly not waterproof in anyway.

As we have turned into such a litigious society, I feel obliged to call my solicitors Messrs Grabbit and Runn, and put in a claim for several million pounds. I am confident of success.

This post written entirely in the spirit of the silly season which is dominating our newspapers as real news goes on holiday in August.

Under direct threat of a vast legal suit, by Auntie Gwen and Kellogsville, I have put a direct link here

and here