Saturday 8 November 2008

Friend of Ours

Death and divorce can bring some unlikely friends into your sphere.

And so it was that tonight we went to see Quantum of Solace with Unexpected Friend. In fact we went to see the last 007 movie with him. Unfortunately on that occasion it was a screen we'd never been to before and it turned out to be on a decaying industrial estate in the arse-end of Lee Valley (near to the site of our grand 2012 Olympics) and was preceeded by visiting the next-door themed-eatery that clearly was operated by people that didn't realise that a restaurant should generally serve edible food. Even the 'it's impossible not to get wrongt' Caesar Salad was completely indigestible. This time we went from east to west, ending up in Fulham Broadway, enjoyed a very entertaining movie before retiring to Yo Sushi to eat our fill. All very good.

Unexpected Friend is a nice fact a good friend, and indeed it's always a very pleasent time we have when we see him. And he is the sort of person that I think in times of need we could rely on to provide support.

So that to me is a good friend.

But the thing is, Unexpected Friend was The Boy's Mum's long-term partner after she and I explosively went our separate ways. And without question at the time I was portrayed as the Devil incarnate, so on the few occasions when we came face to face never a word was spoken. He and The Boy's Mum were together for a couple of years I think...and then (explosively) went their separate ways (in the words of the prodigal Godfather..."With her it's always bloody). And of course that had meant that for two years Unexpected Friend was AN IMPORTANT MAN in the boy's life, but after the split he had become one of the disappeared.

Roll on to the time of the funeral and beyond, and he re-appeared. And this was a good thing...I wanted the boy to have as much continuity in his life and felt UF was an important anchor, so have since encouraged the contact. I know the boy was happy with this...UF is a cognescenti of the gadget was able to talk about the things important to a growing lad.

And so it has continued, and I'm very pleased. But here's a strange thing. The boy refuses to make arrangements to see UF and insists it is down to me to do. I've asked why, but I've got no answer to my question. I know the boy likes to see him...and enjoys his company, but is reluctant, or at least hesitant to keep the communication flowing. Quite confusing....


  1. I think dear NB, you are a good man and your boy and you are very lucky to have each other and the unexpected friend.

    My ex partner's children still text me from time to time and I know they miss me as I miss them but it's very unlikely I'll see them again and that makes me sad.

  2. It is nice to hear that you get on so well and you are right to include UF for the continuity. Maybe your son thinks it is up to the grown-ups to make contact or maybe he realises the delicacy of the situation and wants to be sure YOU are happy inviting UF.

  3. He probably doesn't know himself (but is aware that it's a complicated situation). At least you can sort the dates out for him.

  4. Thank you all for these comments...the outside view is much appreciated!

    AG...that's such a shame, but seems a common consequence of the complicated family lives of the 21st Century

  5. Sometimes (most times) I think our children know more than we do. They are still connected to that sixth sense we started to ignore years ago. I wonder if he doesn't sense that this might be an important friendship for you too? Oh dear that all sounds a bit serious, quick MH say something

  6. Could I ask for a bit of help? I'm planning a book aimed at dads to be and am looking for quotes about what it meant for you, a dad. I'd need names and ages but you can make them up if you want to be annonymous. The quote would look something like this:
    Having children changed my perspective on life. Greg, dad to Amy (6) and Liam (4)
    No pressure but if you'd like to help I'd be very grateful! MH

  7. MH - happy to write something...give me a few days to think about it...also do you have an e-mail to send it to direct?


  8. Hi NB, my email is thankyou so much for offering to help!
    Anymore of you dads out there are welcome to contribute too... MH


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