Wednesday 1 October 2008

On the skids

Toilet training is one of those joys of young parenting...or do I mean parenting the young? I'm glad to claim I've never been to a dinner party and had to suffer the joys of listening to new parents talking about their new-born's toilet habits. Fortunately, the boy was an early starter.

Of course, when you get older the question, as mocked by many, is whether the seat should be left up or down. You can imagine that in our all-male household "up" is the way it goes...and you'd be partially the flat by the sea, our new bathroom features a hydraulically damped lid, so there is much joy to be had in it gradually closing all by itself.

But there are other toileting issues. Drips on the rim...a long battle is fought trying to ensure that should there be a drip, it is properly cleaned up at the time. I can almost feel the women throwing their arms up and declaring "Men!", but I have to declare from experience, that women are just as guilty as us boys. And worse still, is checking whether the bowl has been fully flushed after number twos. I don't want to look at other people's skid marks or floaters, in the same way I hope they don't want to inspect mine. In the flat by the sea, this is a particular issue because a) the water pressure is low and b) if it's not flushed properly and we're then away for a fortnight the consequences on return can mean psychological counselling for years afterwards. But it's not just at home...we have a shared toilet in the office and just too often I have to adopt the role of janitor. Pooey


  1. Ok, share with your auntie, what prompted that particular stream of consciousness ?

  2. A self-lowering lavatory seat! I want one of those. (Incidentally, the only self-censorship ever undertaken by Peter Cook concerned his monologue about the fun he had cleaning the skid-marks off the bowl by urinating on them! I don't know why I told you that.)

  3. Auntiegwen I thin I was having a tough day at the office, so one of those little irritants that finally got to me...!

    the dotterel...I can't believe that Peter Cook ever held back on anything! But does remind me that in Schipol Airport they painted flies on the urinals with the idea of encouraging men to aim and fire!

    Enough already!

  4. Gosh! We might try that in the choir vestry - small boys can be so messy!

  5. Oh dear....hope I am not one of the guilty parties in the office. As well as spoiling the colour scheme with my blue towel....

  6. ...and I thought choir boys were angels in training

    ...the blue towel is definitely a crime!!


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